Inevitably, a part of relationships is fighting. Every fight is slightly different, every approach is slightly different but the outcome is always the same – no one is happy. My question for you -is it possible to avoid it? To avoid sadness, pain and regret?
When I was growing up, I had a really strange relationship with my father (actually, I still do have). Because we are similar in the worst way possible, we can’t be alone together for a long time. The things that make us great (determination, clear opinion, sharp mind, and tongue) lead to the heated fights. Usually, they were stupid ones about the simplest and the least relevant things. Now I wonder if we fought for the sake of fighting. Maybe that was the way of our communication and sharing. However, that’s beside the point. We fought a lot and my mother was the one who was constantly making amends for the both of us. Also, because I was relatively young, she wanted to teach me the benefits of keeping your mouth shut. I still can’t do that with my father, because he drives me crazy. However, when it comes to my friends and my partner, I’m great at giving them silence treatment.
I almost lost a friend because I forgot about the benefits of talking, sharing, having open communication. I forgot how vital it is to talk not only about great, happy and fluffy things but about bad ones, too. You have to tell what is bugging you, what other person is doing wrong. Otherwise, you won’t be able to grow and learn. Once in a while, I do the same thing with my partner. I can overshare insignificant details, but I just freeze when it comes to the significant things. It hurts both of us but I don’t know how to start talking again and then we lose tiny bits of ourselves in silence.
So, for me, the main lesson here is to learn to pick my battles. Sometimes it’s really beneficial to be quite. However, when it comes to major things, you have to share unless you want to be stuck in the black hole. And who wants that?