A few hours earlier I wanted to write about something uplifting and slightly less touchy-feely. However, I just finished watching Now Is Okay. It’s just like The Fault in Our Stars but instead of two sick people, you get one who is sick and eventually dies and another one who is healthy is gets to stay. Both movies are very lovey-dovey, but there is one huge difference. Now Is Okay shows how the ones who stay feel and how they are not okay with the girl dying for a short second . That made me think of one simple thing – I don’t want to go and I don’t want to be the one who stays.
Both positions are equally horrible. If I died (hopefully, it won’t happen anytime soon), I would leave one person broken into smallest pieces. He just started enjoying his life and the world in general and I would leave him completely broken. Of course, there is my family and the closest friends who would be sad, maybe slightly broken but I am sure they would be okay in the end. I don’t want to cause any pain. I was reading this strangely written book called My Brilliant Friend which perfectly describes how I would like to leave/die. The story begins when an old woman disappears. It’s not like someone kidnapped her. She simply disappears without any trace. There are no books, letters, clothes, brushes or even hair left behind. It seems as if she never existed. So, when I die, I would like to leave like that. Because maybe then there would be less pain and broken pieces.
As I said, I wouldn’t want to be the one who gets to stay. That’s equally difficult because you know how great and happy your life was. So, how do you get out of this pickle? How can you accept the idea that you will have to leave or be the one left behind? I guess that’s the reason why real risk lovers destroy all the ties, stop caring so much and end up having nothing to lose. So, what if you do have and you don’t want to lose?